


Moron Monday

by MindHowYouGo



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
Genre: Dr. Robotnik is a villain, First Meetings, M/M, Manipulation, Sexual Tension, Toxic Work Environment, mild violence, superfluous OCs used as set decor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23275129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindHowYouGo/pseuds/MindHowYouGo
Summary: 'The first Monday of every month was always an interesting day for Dr. Ivo Robotnik. It was the day a new batch of government issue idiots arrived. The fiction was that they were potential new assistants for him to interview and train. In reality, it had started as a way to install a mole into his lab to monitor his every action for the central government. Insultingly obvious.'This isn't a meet cute, Robotnik is not a good guy, but this is the story of how Agent Stone got his job.
Relationships: Dr. Eggman | Dr. Robotnik/Agent Stone
Comments: 31
Kudos: 70





	1. Skipping Stone

**Author's Note:**

> I don't condone the way anyone is treated in this fic nor the way any situations are handled. But that being said, please allow me to let a villain be a villain.  
> If you catch any glaring errors, let me know politely and I will try to fix them.

The first Monday of every month was always an interesting day for Dr. Ivo Robotnik. It was the day a new batch of government issue idiots arrived. The fiction was that they were potential new assistants for him to interview and train. In reality, it had started as a way to install a mole into his lab to monitor his every action for the central government. Insultingly obvious.

But lately it had become more than just an attempt to infiltrate his operations. It had become a sort of hazing or a crash test to see how well agents in line for promotions to various other departments could handle extreme situations, not that they knew this was what was happening. They would apply to a job posting and get assigned to turn up at Dr. Robotnik’s lab. Inevitably they would fail and then depending on how many hours they lasted with the doctor, they might find the job they applied for initially was suddenly theirs.

Dr. Robotnik was not for the faint-hearted. He could sniff out a person’s weakness in record time. If you couldn’t last a few hours with him, then maybe you wouldn’t cut it in the job you actually applied for.

  
  


So when 'Moron Monday' as Ivo liked to call it rolled around, all the new hopefuls were standing in a line in the hanger outside of Dr. Robotnik’s lab, awaiting orders. After eleven minutes and twenty seven seconds of standing to attention in front of the doctor’s shut lab door, someone cleared their throat. At that, Ivo kicked open the door, which slammed against the wall and bounced back. He stopped the door hitting him with a hand outstretched as he glared at the applicants. 

“You, go,” he ordered to a woman with shoulder length brown hair.

“Wh-” she started to ask but Ivo grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her close to his face.

“You DARE have hair long enough to grab and you wear it DOWN!? Get out of here, you are dismissed.”

He shoved her away. 

“All the rest of the ladies here can also leave. Next time wear sensible closed toed dress shoes.”

Various women glared and glanced around. Many of them were wearing exactly what he had just suggested, but were having second thoughts about wanting the job in question. One woman stood her ground but the rest left in various states of quiet dignity and seething anger. 

  
  


Ivo walked over to the girl that remained and glared at her.

“Perhaps you didn’t understand. I dismissed you, agent!"

“Agent Cohen, sir. And I don’t believe you did.”

“I said all the ladies, are you not in that category, agent?”

  
  


She squared her shoulders, unwilling to go without a fight. 

“I’m female, sir, but I’m not a lady.”

  
  


A large blond man next to her made an almost imperceptible exhale of amusement. ‘Almost’ being the key word in that sentence.

Ivo turned on him.

“You think that’s funny, hmm? That’s sexist, leave!”

“But you just sent all the women-”

“Leave. Oxford English dictionary defines leave as ‘to go away from’ though of course the second definition is ‘to allow to remain’ so I can see where you got confused, big hulking brute such as yourself, so I will explain it to you. Go away from here.” He paused. “Why are you still standing here? Go. Shoo. SCRAM!”

The large agent stormed off in a huff.

  
  


Ivo turned and walked along the line of remaining applicants. Down to nine from the original fifteen. He examined the way they examined him one by one. Some seemed unhappy with the eye contact and others looked eager and itching to prove themselves. And then there was the short one. Ivo had seen a certain gleam in his eye, a certain instant recognition of like-minded interest. Well, the man certainly wouldn’t be kept around, but maybe if he was left until last Ivo could manage a quick sexual encounter. It had been a while since he had managed to bed an applicant. They were always so eager and enthusiastic while they labored under the misapprehension that they were securing their job through sexual favors. Sure, he had been reported before, but why should that stop him?

Might as well start setting the groundwork. 

“What is your name, agent?”

“Stone, sir.”

“Agent Stone.”

Ivo turned and walked back up the line, continuing to inspect the remaining nine.

“And which of your fellow applicants would you next send home, Agent Stone?” 

Stone was silent for a moment.

“Permission to inspect them, sir?”

Interesting. Most would have either chosen someone at random or said they didn’t have enough information. Asking to inspect was taking liberties already, but they had shared a look and Stone would be just as aware of Ivo’s interest as Ivo was of Stone’s. Showing this pretty young man obvious favor would benefit twofold; it would make Stone more willing later on and it would likely chase off the others quicker. Who would try to stick around when it was obvious which of them was getting the job? Or at least seemed to be.

“Permission granted, Agent Stone.”

Ivo stood back and watched him step out of line and look at each of his competition. Surprisingly, his face continued to look good-natured as he sized them up. He asked each their name and Ivo wondered if it was out of politeness or if it was to force the doctor to at least hear them. As if any of these men individually mattered. Oh, and that one woman. 

Once Stone got to the end of the row where Ivo was standing, he turned and faced the doctor. 

“Well, Agent Stone, what is your assessment?”

“My assessment is that you have a very difficult task ahead of you to choo-”

“No! No no no no NO! I told you to choose someone to go home! I did not say to complement them or flatter me. And before you try it, you cannot choose yourself and if you still try to I will punch you in the face and chain you to the boiler for the rest of the day. Just send someone home.”

“Agent Green.”

“Good choice, Agent Stone. Green means go, agent. So GO!” Robotnik yelled, still staring at Stone. 

  
  


He did not look embarrassed or ashamed, he still looked passively good-natured as Agent Green turned and walked off stiffly. So this man was either deadly at poker or an absolute bimbo. Either way, he would be good for some fun later on. 

Ivo stared down the line for a few seconds before turning around and going back into his lab.

In the reflection of various monitors and shiny objects, he was pleased to see Stone was first to follow, barely any hesitation. Quick on his heels was the woman, followed slower by a man that resembled a scarecrow, one that resembled a cliche assassin, and four that resembled football players. 

He instantly started doling out tasks, mostly on his latest remote tank. He made sure to give Stone easy tasks directly next to himself so he could keep glancing over and smiling at him.

  
  


Since it was ‘Moron Monday’, they were set to work on something easy to fuck up. After three hours of manual labor working on the tank, two of the football player types and the lanky scarecrow had been dismissed. The sinister looking one, Benson, turned out to be good with wiring. The beefy guys were good at lifting heavy things, which is obviously the reason men like that continue to exist in this world. Ivo put it on his mental to-do list to find their physical limit and break them. If he couldn’t, he could always just ask them a math question.

Oh, and the woman, Cohen. She was annoyingly competent. Too bad she was female, she was really quite handsome. Strong nose, short dark curly hair, broad shoulders. Ivo was confident she would do well in whatever job she ended up in and had already decided to send her packing second to last. He was well aware the military and various other branches of government kept track of the dismissal order. He may be a misogynist, but he wasn’t against a competent agent getting a decent assignment somewhere far from him. 

  
  


And then there was Stone.

  
  


He had set Stone to filing and then polishing. If the agent had realized it was easy busy work, he didn’t show it. He didn’t treat it as such, either. Much to Ivo’s annoyance, Stone had reorganized his filing cabinet to an entirely new system and then had the gall to add a small label to each drawer indicating the contents as if Ivo would not be able to figure it out. But, it was actually looking much neater, and he could actually see his desk, not just the things covering his desk. Stone even washed the desk and spot cleaned the chair. At one point, when Ivo had sat down to type up a few emails, Stone had decided on that moment to polish the floor beside his chair. He turned so that Stone was on the ground kneeling right in front of his legs and looked down at him. The pretty man glanced up at him with big innocent eyes and the wickedest smile Ivo had ever seen. Ivo smirked down at him and let his legs fall open a bit and Stone lowered his eyes demurely to the floor, but his eyes sure did take the scenic path down the length of Ivo’s body first.

Oh yes, this would be fun.

  
  
  


Ivo might as well expedite the proceedings.

“Agent Lawson, leave!”

One of the large men looked crestfallen. He glanced at the remaining agents, looking annoyed when he glanced at Stone, who now seemed to be innocently polishing the floor to the left of the desk, a decent distance away and facing away from Ivo. Lawson put down the titanium front pillar he had been carrying and left.

As the little show was over, Ivo took a moment to appreciate Stone on all four with his pants tight across his butt. Then he turned back to his monitors and got back to work.

After thirty four minutes and sixteen seconds, Agent Benson approached the desk.

“I’ve finished the wiring, sir.”

“Good, you’re dismissed.”

“What should I do now, sir?”

“I said you’re dismissed. Since you have nothing left to do here, then you are not needed. Go.”

  
  


“Sir, I only meant I needed a new-”

“Leave. You are of no more use to me.”

He huffed in anger and turned to go, fists bunched up.

“Take Agent Delgato with you.”

Delgato tossed a wrench back into the toolbox haphazardly and walked out, wiping his hands on a greasy rag. They were muttering to each other before the door even closed behind them. 

As Ivo watched them go, Stone got up and walked over to the toolbox. After a moment or two, all the tools were perfectly straight. Not bad, he didn’t even need to be told to do it. Work continued in relative peace for another hour and eighteen minutes before Ivo grew impatient.

  
  


Cohen was still hard at work, but she would need to go soon. She was all that was standing in the way of him and Stone being alone together. 

Well, the best way to get rid of a third wheel was to make it abundantly clear they were a third wheel.

Ivo cracked his knuckles and walked over to Stone, smirking.

Stone had been polishing the outer shell of one of the Badniks. Ivo came up right behind him and crowded into his personal space.

“You’re being too gentle. Here, do it like this.”

Instead of snatching the rag, he grasped the back of Stone’s hand and demonstrated how firmly he should press. It was entirely unnecessary, polishing was not a difficult concept to grasp. Besides, it was total bullshit, the Badniks he had already polished looked perfectly acceptable and if he pressed too hard he would create micro-fine scratches that would be hard to buff out later on. But it made for a really wonderfully flimsy excuse to press up against him, and in full view of the girl. Woman. Whatever. 

After a moment, he made sure to really press his body in, then he leaned his head down to the level of Stone’s ear so that the end of his mustache would tickle it. 

“That’s right, rub firmly,” he said, just loud enough to be heard across the lab. 

  


Right on cue, Cohen cleared her throat and Ivo couldn’t help but smile before looking over at her.

“Well, since I am clearly no longer needed, I’m going to go. Have a good night.”

She looked at Stone a moment, assessing if he needed rescuing, then turned and left, head held high. At least that agent knew she would be getting a good position elsewhere, Ivo thought. She had probably already worked out that nobody actually ever got this job.

  


“So, does this mean I get the job, doctor?” Stone asked.

“It certainly would appear so,” Ivo replied, choosing his words carefully. Not that he had a problem lying, but it was so much more satisfying later when people realized they had missed the truth in the precise wording and only heard what they were hoping to hear.

  


“Shall we fill out the paperwork then?”

Ivo dropped all pretense and wrapped his arms around the short agent to pull him back against Ivo firmly, hands caressing his chest through the black shirt, his entire body pressed against Ivo. 

“I think the paperwork can wait.”

“No, it can’t, sir. It shouldn’t take long,” he said and tried to lightly pull away.

  


“What are you playing at? Am I really so boring to you that you’d rather stop to fill out some paperwork?” Ivo wheedled, pulling him back in and nipping the top of his ear lightly, letting his breath ghost against it. He didn’t mind a bit of hard-to-get but they had been eyeing each other since 8:11am and it was now going on 3:48pm. How long did a man have to wait?

“Meaning no offense, doctor, I did look into you before applying for the job and I happened to notice a number of sexual misconduct complaints. Now, I have no interest in reporting you for this. In fact I’d very much like to get up to some sexual misconduct with you, doctor. But I do want this job, so paperwork first.”

The audacity! This prettyboy marched into the place and tried to use his wiles to secure employment, and he had the nerve to be clever enough to ask for the paperwork first! But one thing stood out to Ivo the most. He forced Stone around to face him, furious now.

“How did you obtain access to any files on me?”

“I offered to help with filing around all of the offices whenever I was in between assignments. I like to be helpful, sir,” he replied calmly, looking up at Ivo, still so close they were touching. He moistened his lips with his tongue and when Ivo’s eyes glanced down, Stone smiled. 

He cursed himself for being so foolish.

Finally stepping away, Ivo walked over to his desk. The entire situation would be easier to handle with a bit of distance.  
  


“And what did you learn from my filing cabinet, helpful Agent Stone?”

“All manner of interesting things. But it is getting late, sir, so we should probably start my paperwork.”

“I could end you! I could have you erased from the face of this PLANET!” Ivo was losing his cool, hair becoming a bit disheveled. His hands were gripping the edge of the desk hard. 

But Agent Stone remained passively good-natured, as if he hadn’t noticed. 

“I don’t mean to rush you, sir, but I do need to leave by five, I have dinner at my grandma’s and her entire bingo group is expecting me to call the numbers this evening.”

  


Okay. Okay, Ivo just needed to think for a moment. That was a lot of people that would report him missing. This man was good. Very good. 

It might be a bluff, but if it wasn’t that was a lot of people that would know he was missing and a lot of people to _take care of_ …

On the other hand, if he just hired this viper, it could be fun to make his life hell. And possibly still nail him. 

  
  
  


Okay, it wasn’t that he was beat.

  
  


He wasn’t losing the battle.

  


He was... giving in to save time and effort. Path of least resistance. It was sensible, not a defeat.

Ivo put on a false smile and gestured to the chair next to himself.

“Well, we wouldn’t want you to be late,” he said in his most false-sweet voice.

Stone had even put all the HR documents in a folder on his desk at some point during the day, and Ivo scolded himself for only just noticing. He moved the folder over and slammed a pen down on top of it.

As Stone made to sit, Ivo kicked the chair out from under him and the agent crashed to the ground.

“Never let your guard down, Agent Stone. Welcome aboard.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy howdy, those toxic work environments, huh? And what a misogynistic prick! But really, I am NOT trying to write a misunderstood guy, I am going full toxic boss with him. It's quite therapeutic for me.
> 
> Sorry to tease the sex then not go through, but Stone needed all the leverage he could get and he knows how to get what he wants. I didn't want to spoil anyone about how competent he was, it seems more fun to make you wonder for a moment if he was going to be a bimbo.
> 
> I have not decided if I'm going to continue this, I have some ideas but I'm happy with it being a one off. Let me know if you want more, though I will warn you that continuing this one, it will not end up as love and romance as much as a not-healthy non-relationship mutual agreement of sexual favors with a lot more shitty manipulative behavior from both of them. Stone deserves better, but he signed up for this.
> 
> This is my new secret account because too many real life people managed to track down my old account and I cannot handle them looking at me with the knowledge that I wrote anything remotely sexual about a Jim Carrey character.


	2. Stone's Throw

The very first day of Stone’s new position had gone a little rough, even Ivo had to admit. He had started off the day by giving Stone a suckerpunch to the chin followed by an order to finish up the tank that still sat in the middle of Robotnik’s cavernous lab from Moron Monday. There were 30 feet exactly between his desk and the area he thought of as the workshop, a perfect distance from which to watch Stone struggle.

Typically he would have just set his industrial robots to finish construction, the big metal arms lifting and welding in the most time and energy efficient way, no room for human error with an automated system controlled by a computer. But he was still angry about being tricked- no, not tricked, coerced, into hiring an assistant.

This information sneak-thief had gotten his grubby hands on files about him, as well as on Ivo’s own files! Ivo was furious that there were files about him. He didn’t even exist! It was no use, thoughts kept distracting him from his work and Ivo would find himself glaring over at the forever unaffected agent.

“How many files about me do you know of?”

Stone looked up from his welding torch, lifting his visor, and answered. “Three that I found, doctor.”  
“And are you willing to tell me everything they contained?”  
“Yes, doctor. I have a very good memory.”  
“And tell me, Agent Stone, why would you tell me all of this confidential information you so sneakily stole?”  
“I work for you, sir. There is nothing you can’t have.” Stone replied, a certain look in his eye.

There was no denying Stone was one smooth talker.

In theory, any information on Dr. Ivo Robotnik should be fair game for Ivo to know, just on sheer principle. But he did need to test Stone’s last statement. It was blatant innuendo, an obvious invitation to test Stone's… willingness. But now that Ivo was going to be stuck with the damned tease, he felt he could afford to ignore these advances. There was no rush, he wasn’t going to get any either way.

“Interesting. So if I were to ask you for the contents of other files you looked at in those various offices?”  
“All yours, doctor. Did you want to know departmental budget allowances, claims and disputes, training, disbursement-”  
“Just type me up a list tonight. And get back to work, that tank is not going to finish itself!”  
“Yes, doctor.”  
Stone flipped the welding mask down and got back to work.

“So how was bingo with Granny?”

Stone turned off the torch and lifted up his visor again.  
“It was good, doctor, thank you for asking.”  
“Uh huh... You do that often?” Ivo asked, knowing full well what the answer was going to be.  
“Every Monday.”  
Predictable.

Ivo couldn’t imagine this besuited pretty-boy reading out numbered balls to a bunch of old cryptkeepers. And then he imagined an ugly lumpy sweater on him, maybe over a stupid colorful shirt buttoned at the collar but with no tie on. Yes, he would just be some old lady’s prim little grandson all the other old ladies tried to throw their grand-daughters at because they were oblivious to homosexuality. The mental image was so quaint it was disgusting.

“Such a shame, I often work late on Mondays. I wouldn’t want to make you choose between me and Gramgram.”  
“Of course, doctor, I can always reschedule if there are any time sensitive tasks you cannot handle without me.”  
And _that_ was a verbal challenge that would not be tolerated! How dare this _twink_ insult him!

“I can handle anything without you, I don’t need you and I didn’t want you!” Ivo yelled, tired of the suffocating facade of politeness.

Putting aside the torch and visor he had been using, Stone turned and started to saunter over. This was not just a walk, this was a walk with clear intent. Ivo cursed himself for being unable to look away.

He’s teasing again, Ivo thought to himself furiously, don’t fall for it.

“You did want me, doctor, and you still do,” Stone said. It should have come out as a coo or some dumb babyish voice, but instead it came out as level as anything else the agent ever said. Ivo made a mental note to check for microphones.

“I don’t want you, Agent Stone,” he reiterated. “I have no need for an assistant.”  
“You do, doctor,” he said, stopping in front of Ivo.

Ivo sighed in annoyance, looking at the stupid cocktease standing nearly flush against him, and was unimpressed by the show. Knowing sex wasn’t actually on offer was making it easier to ignore the fizz of sexual tension.

That is, until Stone leaned in and started kissing his neck. Meanwhile the agent’s hand was sliding up his inner thigh. Ivo’s head tilted as his gloved hand ran up the agent’s back and into his hair. Which he grabbed and swiftly yanked the man off of him and held him at a distance before slapping him hard across the face with the other hand.

“That was pathetic! You might have gotten your job this way, but don’t think for one second that you have me wrapped around your little finger!” Ivo used his grip on the short hair to fling Stone onto the ground. When Stone looked up, he looked slightly worried. Finally, a crack in that passive mask.

“Your petty little brain probably can’t comprehend the concept, but I am able to think with more than my dick.”  
Stone moved to get up but Ivo pressed him back down with his foot slightly rougher than he had intended. Ivo’s brain calculated the distance to all blunt objects in the vicinity. He did not know if Stone was the type or not. He was an unknown entity, and thus a risk.

“I’m sorry, sir, I meant no offen-”  
“Oh, cut the CRAP!” Ivo raged. His foot kept pinning Stone to the ground each time the man would try to get up or shift out from under him. His shoe tread was twisting the shirt fabric beneath it.

“Please, doctor.”  
With that plea he laid still, muscles no longer bunched and trying to escape. The two men remained in place for one minute and twenty nine seconds, Ivo’s hair a mess, eyes alight with rage, and his shoe still pinning his so-called assistant to the ground. They maintained eye contact the entire time and the nonverbal conversation that happened ended with Stone closing his eyes and looking well and truly beat.

Ivo’s foot gave one last shove before being removed. Stone remained on the floor of the lab, his eyes opened to look up at Ivo, face neutral, but not in the ‘passive mask’ way it normally was. More guarded and less like he was concealing his thoughts.  
“You will not play games with me. I don’t want to hear you talk for the rest of the day, do you understand? Just nod. You will not touch me unless I give you instruction to do so, is that understood? _Just nod_ ,” Ivo repeated as Stone’s mouth opened.  
The mouth shut and the head nodded.

“Your assignment for the remainder of the day is to lie there and think about why you wanted this job. And if you are here to spy on me, you’re going to regret it.”

Three hours and thirteen minutes later, Agent Stone climbed to his feet and left without saying a word. Not a great first day, but maybe it would double as his last day. One could hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stone learned a valuable lesson about trying to manipulate a manipulative bastard. The same trick doesn't work again.
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter, but it seemed like a decent place to break. Not sorry for the chapter titles.


	3. A Rolling Stone

“Good morning, doctor. Here is a list of all available documents, should you wish. I also brought you a coffee and muffin along with this morning’s newspaper.”

Ivo took the list and perused it as he used the newspaper to slide the muffin into the trash bin without looking at it. He let the newspaper drop into the bin after. Forgiveness cannot be bought, especially with unsealed foods purchased at a news stand and a paper that had already been read. They say it is the thought that counts, but Ivo had never found this to be true.

The black coffee remained untouched on the desk.

Stone looked surprised to see the tank he had been laboring over the previous day was gone. Ivo had run a diagnostic and set his systems to auto finish last night. He had even had time to blow it up in the test hanger attached to his lab. Some people were not lazy and kept working the entire day instead of going home to stare at a television. No wonder most humans didn’t accomplish anything of great note.

There being nothing obvious to do, Stone stood at attention a respectable distance from Ivo’s desk, right side facing him in profile. At least the man was smart enough not to ask for a task or stand there staring at him.

Ivo circled a few bullet points on Stone’s list of available confidential info, double circling AWOL. He made a note on the page for Stone to cross reference the Non Existing Personnel file listed against the one he himself kept and make note of any differences. Most of the rest of the list was information Ivo was either able to obtain on his own or not of interest. There were a few gems, though, especially from Human Resources. Stone must have a photographic memory, that could be handy, it was always good to have more than one around.

After one hour and fifty three minutes the coffee on his desk would have reached the current room temperature of 75 degrees Fahrenheit or 23.889 Celcius, no matter the starting temperature, so Ivo picked up the full cup and handed it to the agent still standing at the ready. As Stone’s hand started to close around the cup, though, Ivo let go. The cup fell to the floor splashing the entire area in watery coffee. While Stone rushed to clean it all up, Ivo stood there and watched, smiling maliciously. Stone moved to dab the wet splashes of coffee on the shin of Ivo’s trousers, but stopped right before contact. He looked up at Ivo and then handed over the cloth and backed up, getting to his feet.  
Good, he was learning. Ivo dabbed his trousers as dry as he could and then passed the rag back to his assistant, who took it and left the lab.

He returned twenty seven minutes later with a different cup. Handing it over, he said, “I made you a latte, doctor.”

Ivo took it and gave it a sniff. It smelled of vanilla and decent coffee. He took a small sip and tried to pick out everything he was tasting. It was heavily flavored, but not artificial flavorings. There was something besides vanilla in it. Feeling suspicious he popped off the lid carefully and looked in to find-  
“Rosemary?”  
“Just a small sprig, I find it gives a mild bitter woodsy flavor that keeps the vanilla from being too sweet. I use steamed goat’s milk as well.”  
“Hmm.”

He put the top back on and took another sip. Now that he knew what the bitter notes he was tasting were, it was quite nice. Stone was once again facing sideways, standing at the ready, but now he had a small smile and looked rather pleased that his peace offering had been accepted.

The coffee must have been just what Ivo needed because he eventually found himself feeling more relaxed.  
“Do you know how to recalibrate an auto-piloting system, Stone?”  
“I’m sure I can manage, doctor.”  
“Good, there are three crafts out in the test hanger for you to go work on. Let me know if you get lost in the process, don’t just press buttons to figure things out. That’s a lot of government money out there.”  
“Yes, sir.”

Stone headed out of the lab and Ivo got to work rendering a new internal backup vehicle for the remote tank. There had been a lot of improvements that needed to be made to the design of the outer structure after the blast testing last night and some of the alterations would now render the previous design’s internal backup vehicle incompatible.  
The fix wasn’t difficult to perfect, but his mind kept wandering, so he pulled up a new file and started designing a backup vehicle for the backup vehicle and kept switching between the two files to keep himself focused. Yes, nested designs were always useful.  
But eventually he started to feel a bit tired so he got up and decided to go inspect Stone’s progress.

The three crafts appeared to be whole and Agent Stone was polishing the furthest one so Ivo walked over to the closest and leaned in to switch it on to check Stone’s work. It was perfectly calibrated. Satisfactory.

“Sir, They are calibrated and I’ve just finished giving them a bit of a wax. They are beautiful crafts, I figured they should look their best.”  
“Yes,” Ivo smirked, “good thinking. Now there’s nothing left to do but to blow them up.”

Stone’s face was once again a pleased mask, but his blink gave away his surprise.

The testing went well and the current craft design was proven to need only minor adjustments for impact resilience. The aerodynamics were perfect, of course.

Later, Ivo was sitting at his desk again working on the adjustments. It was getting close to the end of Stone’s workday, which meant nothing to Ivo except that he would probably put on some music and would have his lab to himself again. The world was so much more enjoyable when there was nobody else around.

“You’re fired, Agent Stone.”

The agent spun to face him.  
“Sir, you don’t understand, I _need_ to work for you,” Stone insisted calmly.  
“Oh, you _need_ to work for me, _okay, sure, fine, whatever you say_ ,” Ivo mocked. “And why do you _need_ to work for me so badly?”  
“I saw your file for the first time over two years ago and it intrigued me,” Stone admitted, “but I couldn’t stop thinking about it so I started to hunt for any information on you at all. It was difficult since you don’t exist, but the more I found, the more I needed to find. Most of the time, the things I found were actually incidents you were not mentioned in, but I knew your style and could see you in the holes of the data. Every minor world incident that could have become a major world incident, there was a Dr. Robotnik-shaped void of missing information that somehow nobody else seemed to notice.”  
Stone’s voice was starting to sound less controlled. “Everything you do is genius, Dr. Robotnik. You are genius.”

“You found a file about me and thought ‘Ooh, neat, cool!’ And so you decided to try to cocktease your way into my good graces? What exactly is your goal here, Agent Stone?”

“I’m sorry about that, sir, I just needed to secure this job so that I could have the time to prove myself useful to you, I really did want to sleep with you and still do. I stole a picture of you out of that first file, I couldn’t help myself. I just want to be with you.”

“Ohhh...kay. So, you’re a psychotic stalker.”

“No, doctor, not a psycho stalker, just a very big fan.”  
“I think at this point it’s toe-may-to, toe-mat-o.” Ivo cut in.  
“And I didn’t stalk you,” Stone continued. “I learned all there was to learn and spent my time bettering myself to achieve my goal of being your right-hand man. Everyone is an idiot, sir, except you!”  
“And the picture of me?”  
“Sleep with it every night, sir.”  
“Yeah, Stone, the way you said that sounded like you think that’s reassuring. It’s extremely unsettling and please never mention it again.”

Stone still stared at him looking hopeful and happy.  
Ivo twisted at his mustache in thought. He wasn’t sure why he was still feeling relatively calm about finding out his annoying new assistant was actually an obsessed stalker that had been dreaming of him for years.

“I really didn’t mean to tease, doctor, I just knew you were not going to hire me, and I really do want to be with you very badly.”

“Agent, I am not the dating type, I don’t know if you’ve noticed. Surely You’ve been keeping track of that.”

“No, sir, like I said, I was not stalking you, and never in person! Your personal life is your own business, not mine.”

Ivo rested his forehead against his steepled hands and stared down at the desk.

“Look,” Stone tried, “I would really like to be allowed to remain your assistant, but with sexual benefits. I’m not asking you to like me, I’m just hoping every now and then you’ll pretend to until you come. I was entirely out of line yesterday.”  
As Ivo glanced up through his hands, Stone added, “...and during the job trial. My apologies, I was out of line. It won’t happen again. And, I have not touched you since you told me not to. I will behave, I will do anything you tell me to,” Stone wheedled.

Ivo rested his lips against his hands, idly tapping his mustache with the back of one finger as he stared at Stone. What were the chances this man would go full Misery on him versus the chances he would be an obedient servant?

“Fine, you can stay for now. But you are still within your probationary ninety days, and don’t think I won’t fire you after that is over either.”  
“Permission to touch you, sir?”  
“No.”  
“Permission to get on my knees and blow you, sir?”  
“That, Agent Stone, would count as touching, so once again, no.”

“Well, thank you sir. I’ll make sure you don’t regret this.”  
“I already do, Agent Stone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A match made in hell, these two. A narcissist and an obsessive.
> 
> I don't know how many chapters this is going to get up to, but I still have a few things that I need to drop in there. Keep those kudos and comments coming, they fuel my fire right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Boy howdy, those toxic work environments, huh? And what a prick! But really, I am NOT trying to write a misunderstood guy, I am going full toxic boss with him. It's quite therapeutic.
> 
> I have not decided how far I'm going to continue this, I have some ideas but I'm happy with it being a few chapters. Let me know if you want more, though I will warn you that continuing this one, it will not end up as love and romance as much as a not-healthy non-relationship mutual agreement of sexual favors with a lot more shitty manipulative behavior from both of them. Stone deserves better, but he signed up for this.
> 
> This is my new secret account because too many real life people managed to track down my old account and I cannot handle them looking at me with the knowledge that I wrote anything remotely sexual about a Jim Carrey character.


End file.
